Archive for May, 2008

an open letter to all girls [not by me]

May 29, 2008 · Filed under buhay, love

//galing ito sa blog ni gian dapul na sa tingin ko ninakaw niya sa isang taong nag ngangalang drew.
//read it, interesting, hmmm…

12.28.2007
An Open Letter To All Girls
[nakaw lang 'to kay Drew, pero super aliw siya. and very true. so, yeah, i suggest to all guys, repost, and to all girls, read. and reread. kung di ka tamaan ng malakas, tumawa ng malakas. :p]

Ever wonder, “what happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were f*cking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were “just friends.” Besides, he totally wasn’t your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn’t know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you’re single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, “What happened to all the nice guys?”

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive “just-a-” friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren’t really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you’re upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an a$$hole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he’s probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I’m sorry that it took the complete absence of “nice guys” in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you’re looking for a nice guy, here’s what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what’s right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don’t really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you’ve f*cked yourself over. You’re getting older, after all. It’s time to excise the sh!t and deal with reality. You didn’t want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn’t f*cking want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy

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the best deal i had; but i did it out of pure love for justice ;)

May 29, 2008 · Filed under Uncategorized

wanna know how to make “friends” and get a good deal at the same time?

i went to greenhills this afternoon to buy some clothes. i am not vain or a fashion dude or anything, i’m just damned bored at home. of course, it has been my habit to pass by the chapel. it is really cool you know, i’m surrounded by all these hooded muslims then in the heart of all the moro stuff is the chapel which has a very very cool ambiance. so i asked god if he could help me get a good deal, you know. that’s what’s special about greenhills, its all about getting good deals.’

so i went to this stall that sells shirts and shoes. they sell the shirt for 200 pesos each. its was pretty cheap, so i asked the lady how much does three shirts cost. she answered me in a duh? sort of way: ‘di 600 pesos. i smirked at her, nice try i thought. i told her that i could buy her shirt anywhere at a price of 550 pesos for three pieces. then she stalled for a while, damn, i’m a pro, i didn’t bite her bluff, i motioned away, then she immediatle said: okey, sige na nga kuya, 550 na. sige na, pumili ka na dyan. i smiled at her and then i started to choose the shirts. while i was scanning through the shirts and testing the sizes, an old fat american stopped by her stall. the american got one of the leather shoes and smiled at it. you could see in his eyes that really loved it. the lady seller, sensing the opportunity to take advantage immediately went near the old american and told him: sir, that’s only 3 thousand pesos, sir. the american smiled, wow!, he said. its too cheap, he added. the lady seller smiled the largest she could make with the ends of her mouth now touching her ears. the lady seller said: go sir, choose na sir, what color you want sir. of course, me, being the herald of justice for all stepped in the picture. i would not allow a lady seller to swindle the poor old guy. so i said: miss, five hundred nalang po, sige na. the lady frowned at me: sorry boy, 550 last price. then i smiled back at her and said: alam mo naman na kaya kong sabihin sakanya na linoloko mo siya sa presyo at yang 3 thousand mo mauuwi yan sa three hundred. her eyebrows met the middle of her forehead. she immediately answered in a half-whisper: loko-loko ka boy ha, sige, 500 nalang, umalis ka na.

then there i was, walking through the stalls of greenhills with a contented smile in my face.

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more on spiritual dryness

May 28, 2008 · Filed under love

now i think i got the answer to spiritual dryness: wait.

the apostles got their fare share of spiritual dryness too. on the ascension, when jesus “left” them and went to heaven, they felt as if they were abandoned. there was a vaccum in their hearts. they were really afraid. they were terrified to a point that they even hid themselves in a closed room. of course they should be afraid, they are persecuted, but the point is, the apostles had their share of fear, their own doubts and feelings of abandonment by god. they suffered spiritual dryness too, but what was god’s answer? just wait, because someone is coming that will fill that hole. the holy spirit. the secret weapon, the strength giver that shall replace every shed of fear with bravery, every drop of doubt with faith and every bit of anxiety with hope.

there is no special cure for spiritual dryness. i think it is merely an opportunity for us to dig deep beneath our faith and cling to its roots even though all the flowers already seem withered. we cannot by ourselves rise from the dryness, all that we could do is wait and hope. have faith that someday, the spirit will come to strengthen us.

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an afternoon with a good friend

May 28, 2008 · Filed under buhay, kasiyahan

this afternoon i spent time with jose, it was like 3 months since we talked. he is an 8 year old tutee in our little prep school. he finished early in his summer class and passed by my unit. he knocked and shouted: kuya jason, si jose ito. i was super engrossed in watching one tree hill, but i could never ever resist a child calling for me, so i opened the door. he quickly jumped all over the place, literally. i didn’t know how to make him stop, then i saw the watch. jose, tignan mo, anong oras na? it was six o’clock, and every six o’clock, i told him to pray the angelus. so yes, just as always, god was my escape goat, hehehe, joke. so there we were, praying the angelus. actually i’m pretty proud that he momorized the whole prayer already. so cut to the chase… why am i blogging about it??

because jose is one of the people who i really think, believed in me. he is one of those people who see special things inside of me. i know i don’t deserve it, and i know, his childishness clouds his perspective of me, but still, it feels good having someone really believing in me. there was this one time when he came running to me, i still clearly remember it. i was changing in my unit, just from school when he barged in and happily hugged me. he told me that he reached top 15. yah, you may think its not much of a feat, but for him, its really a big leap. of course i was happy for him, so i searched my bag for any left over treats like chocolates or stuff, and while i was searching he was doing what he does best, jumping all around. but while he was bouncing in my bed (which is now officially my cousin’s bed) he spoke words that shall always replay in my head forever: ang galing noh kuya? parehas na tayo, kahit loko-loko ako at magulo, matalino narin ako! parehas na tayo, hindi mabait pero magaling!!!

shit. it really bangs me hard everytime it replays in my head. the kid looks up to me, or so i feel. am i a good example? i don’t know, but hell, i love the kid, and i promise to be the best friend i could be to him.

so what did we talk about today while we were hanging? he was so happy! he told me that he did what i advised him once. there was this time when he came to me and told me that he was called to guidance office. he punched his classmate for teasing him to be gay. of course, because i was such a good older friend, i told him not to do it again, i told him that its really bad to hit people and just let the guy teasing him be. but he quickly knocked sense in me in his answer: eh kuya, kung hayaan ko lang sila, mas lalo nila akong aasarin. of course, shit heads are shit heads until you knock the shit out of them. so i told him: sa susunod kasi, kung mananapak ka, pag wala na yung titser, para hindi ka mahuli. he immediately answered that it was difficult because he was angry, but i told him to keep his cool because its the only way he could take revenge or stick out for himself. that was our last conversation, so this afternoon, he happily told me that he was able to that. he was able to keep his cool: alam mo kuya, hindi agad ako nagalit, ang galing ko noh? sinapak ko nung nasa service na kami. hehehe. hindi ko agad nasabi kasi hindi na kita nakikita. i was so proud of him. he is indeed a man.

we chatted more, about star craft, battle realms, not watching porn, listening to parents and normal stuff. well, i enjoyed this afternoon. i really enjoy chatting with children. :)

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how a system is fucked up

May 26, 2008 · Filed under buhay, kasiyahan, pumiglas

every morning, i ride a trike from our home to reach the main road, commonwealth road. the trikes has this system they follow: they line up and wait until they are full (which takes about 4 passengers), then they take off. so, this is how it goes, you ride the trike that is in front of the line, wait for it until it gets full, then boom. pretty simple eh? just like the normal pila, normal!? yuck. so one day i thought of something, what if i fuck up their system?? hehehe… normal is boring…

so one morning instead of riding the trike that is first line and wait there until it gets full, i walked a little farther and stopped at the end of the trike line. there i stood eyeing the tricycle drivers. at first no one bit my bait, all were waiting in line, waiting for their turn until blam, one trike drove in front of me. the driver told me to get in and we flew. the trike came from the middle, maybe he was just bored or simply impatient to wait for his turn so he just went out of the line and accomodated me. it worked both for us you see, for me, because i did not have to wait for the trike to get full before it could take off, which takes about 3-6 minutes; and it also worked for the driver because even though he was not able to fill his tricycle in line, he could still get passengers on the way. the only thing really disturbed by that act is the system the tricycle drivers try to implement. but aside from that, no harm done.

so i did that a couple more days. of course most of the drivers still hold firm in their line, but there are still some who bite my bait and accomodate me. so as days passed, more and more drivers accomodated me, in fact there came a time that they fought over who gets me, ignoring the line they set up. then as my act became often, other passengers imitated me. thinking what i was doing was better, at least for them, they wouldn’t have to wait. so that was it, the system the trike drivers tried to implement became shit. the passengers just passed through the line and waited for a trike to go directly to them and take off immediately. at first, i thought that was the end of their little boring system, so i didn’t find it interesting enough to blog, then one morning, something happened.

when i reached the trike station, they were still all in line. then when i reached my spot just after the trike line, the spot where i wait for a trike to get out of line and stop in front me, no tricycle came. instead, i heard jeers from some of the trike drivers: wala na yan, di na yan gagana; ginagawa mo itong taxi, trike ito; and a lot more. but because i have overflowing pride and ego, i stood my ground. i did not mind them. while some of the passengers humbly rode the trike in the front of the line, there i stood waiting, hoping a trike driver was brittle enough to be tempted by me.

i waited. waitied. but not long enough for me to give in, because boom, a trike went zooming in front of me. yes! i screamed inside, muntik na akong mapahiya, hehehe. so i rode the trike. when the people inside of the trike waiting in line saw my early departure, they too went out of the trike followed what i did. blam. system destroyed. its already been a week since that happened, and now, the trikes don’t wait in line, they just wait for a passenger then go. thanks to me, the passengers need not to wait.

well, indeed, a system could not work if there is even a single clink in the chain. well, sometimes systems are boring, and it takes some revolutionaries to fuck it up. hehehe.

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tang ina noh?

May 22, 2008 · Filed under Uncategorized

after an exciting yesterday, i am now stuck in the abbyss of boredom.
i can’t study.
all can do is play and eat.

waaah!!!
i hope i won’t turn into an airheaded couch potato!!!

then i asked my friend, what should i do? he told me to get an inspiration. fuck, i smirked at him.
then i knew, he just broke up with her girl friend. then he told me that love sucks. love sucks. i nodded, even though he didin’t see me.
’cause you see, we were just chatting through the net.

he told me that i was right. he told me that he was fooled by love. he was in shitty shape.

then i answered him:
you were not fooled by love, you just mistook it for something it isn’t. the worst thing about relationships are not the break-ups or endings; but the regret and the what-ifs. when you entered it, you should be ready that in the future is shall end, everything does, it is only that sometimes foolishness kicks in and martyrdom (close eyed suffering) just tries to pull things together. but hell, there is no reason to be lonely. the purpose of a relationship, or so i think, is to make the most of the moments spent together. to gather happy memories to get you through life, and even through the nasty break-up. it is all about enjoying the moment, and the will for it to last should not be prioritized, yet, of course you need to be open to its possibility.

tang ina noh? he told me.
yup. tang ina talaga. i answered.

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holdapper; pimples; pagsi

May 21, 2008 · Filed under buhay, kasiyahan, pumiglas

i had a hell of a day… a lot to blog about
—
I. Another near hold-up experience + a friend who lacks faith

i have treaded the streets of manila since time-y-memorial. i have walked with all the crooks, i actually live by some, i have seen their vile faces and how their dark blood trickle from their sin withered veins. so when i see one, i’m damn sure about it.
so this is what happened, me and my cousin rode a jeep from philcoa and met this friend on the ride. she was not actually my friend, she’s just like an acquantance. so we kind of chat about life and how it passes so quickly, blah blah… so skip that shit, we go straight to the story: our jeep stopped at tandang sora (remember the time i had an encounter with holdapers who i threw stones at?), and two men went inside. the skinny muscular type, you could guess that both of them were construction workers. there were no empty seats except for the two seats near the driver (not the front seats), so they sat there. i just got this gut feeling about this two men that i started to observe them. they went in together, they kind of have the same job, but they never talked to each other. they started to feign sleeping, covering their faces with their bags, but shit, they couldn’t trick me with that, i saw them making eye contact. fuck, i thought. i have my little cousin with me. shit, what should i do? but i still wasn’t sure and if they were really holdappers, going down suddenly would just entice them, so i waited. my cousin and my friend, and possibly the whole jeep did not notice me spying on the two guys, or even shared my suspicion. but to hell with them, i remember what i told my cousin: never fuck with a fucker, hehehe. anyway, there i was waiting for an opportunity to go down or the last hint i needed to confirm that the two are really holdappers, then one of the passengers near the exit of the jeep yelled: para! the jeep stopped and the said passenger went down. suddenly one of the suspicious guys stood up and changed seats, taking the seat near the exit. fuck i said. i’m sure he is a holdapper. why would he change seats if he were sleepy? he would be contented in his seat and drowse but no, he needed that seat because its the “hold-upping position”. one in the exit and one near the driver, one to control the driver, the other to control the exit. and they were really bad actors, if you were sleepy, you woudn’t stand up immediately without any sign of drowsy-red-eyes and shout at the driver to stop first while he changed seats. so that was it, i made my mind, as he was going to change seats, i grabbed my cousin and my friends arm: baba na tayo dito. my cousin was puzzled, but god knows why, she has this unwavering trust in me so she obediently followed but my friend was kind of dense in such a stubborn way so i just left her. we rode another jeep, hoping my friend was fine.

then we reached home. we were eating dinner when suddenly… KKRRRINGG!!! the fone rang. it was her. i really don’t know if she was sobbing or anything: nakuha nila cellphone ko. that is what she told me. damn, thank god, i really couldn’t imagine my cousin in that situation. shit! i wouldn’t endanger my cousin for the world. shit. thank god. thank god.

—

II. I thought my mom left me

my mom works abroad, so that leaves me technically an orphan, but i’m not sad or anything, i kind of enjoy the freedom, without anyone telling me what to do. but i was wrong. while me and my cousin were in the jeep she suddenly told me: 9!!! i gave her a quizzical look. you have nine pimples!!!, she told me. so?, i answered. ibig sabihin, matulog ka na on time! wag ka na magpuyat sa computer. take care of yourself. she told me that. damn. i thought my mom left me. but unlike my mom, her bickering made me smile and kiss her.

—

III. Tolerance

the is the gospel today is about tolerance. i won’t write a summary of it or my reflection, i’m sure you could make your own (mark 9:38-40), what i’m going to share is something the priest shared in his homily from Pagsi (i was lucky enought to attend one of pagsi’s talks!!!). he (the priest) and pagsi were watching a movie about a family with un-catholic values like gay and lesbian relationships and a lot of sexual deviations, then after the movie, pagsi asked him: what do you think about the movie? then he answered: i’m sure the church wouldn’t love this. then pagsi, in all his wisdom answered: i’m sure god has a bigger heart than the church. WHAPAK!

—

i finished my ECE project today!!!

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i found an alternate entrance to our library

May 19, 2008 · Filed under buhay, kasiyahan, pumiglas

i just found an alternate entrance in our library!!! yehey!!! now i can go in freely without an id… and guess what?? i could bring out books!!! but of course… that would be stealing, and that would be bad… so i would just reserve that for desperate occassions where the line between good and bad is blurred by the urgency of the situation, and anyway, i would just borrow it…

but it was a really cool experience. i was stuck at ateneo with nothing to do and i still have to wait for more than an hour for my cousin. my friends just left me and my last resort was to go to the library, but i left my id at home… so i was walking around the library when i saw this door at the bottom side of the library open. i kind of noticed that door for a long time now, but i never dared going near it. i mean, there may be a swarm of guards there or strict old ladies you know, but at that moment i was bored to death, so i just went in. i looked around. i saw quarters, maybe janitor’s or guard’s; then i saw printing machines or so i think, then i heard voices talking. i was pretty afraid i might get caught, but hey, i have nothing better to do. so i continued my adventure in this strange place when i suddenly saw this stairs that led upwards. i climbed it, and it ended in a door which i entered and found out to be another entrance to the library!!! whala!!! cool!!!

—-
two chemists making small talk:

chemist 1: hey, how was your day?
chemist 2: well, the weather was STP, and everything was just in equilibrium. nothing special. you?
chemist 1: uh, yah, same here, except for some systematic errors and stuff. i see you are into hard drinks now?
chemist 2: um, yeh. i just couldn’t be a black body you know. i need a vent, so here i am, drinking myself out with mineral water.
chemist 1: i see. but don’t drink too much, everything should just be under the bell curve, ayt?
chemist 2: sure, i got everything under proper RSD.
chemist 1: your saying that, but i see your cheeks are like overtitrated NaOH.
chemist 2: its just a bad day you know. entropy, i guess.
chemist 1: don’t worry, everything will turn out to be spontaneous on the direction you wish.
chemist 2: yah, i hope so.
chemist 1: you sound so nerdy.
chemist 2: you too.
chemist 1: volt*ampere?!?!
chemist 2: yah.
chemist 1: well, what the fuck.
chemist 2: yah, the hell with them.

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my cousin’s choice

May 18, 2008 · Filed under pumiglas

a conversation between me and my cousin. i’m proud of her. :)

me: wag ka nang bumili ng intermediate pad.
cousin: bakit naman? kailangan ko nun eh.
me: mang hingi ka nalang.
cousin: huh? nakakahiya naman.
me: wala yun, ok lang yun.
cousin: eh…
me: para tipid. para di na tayo bumili.
cousin: huh? diba you told me once na hindi totoo ang pag titipid?
me: …
cousin: diba sabi mo, pag nagtitipid, kinakawawa mo ang ang lahat kasi hindi umiikot ang pera?
me: naaalala mo pa yun? *scratches head*
cousin: yup! you told me nga na dapat we should learn to spend kasi sa ganun, mabubuhay ang, ano ba yun? basta magiging tulad tayo ng singapore.
me: oo nga, sinabi ko nga yun.
cousin: so bibili na tayo ng intermediate pad?
me: teka… hmm… (di mag papatalo, hehehe) eh hindi naman mababawasan ang bumibili ng intermediate pad pag di ka bumili eh. kasi pag mang hingi ka lang ng hingi, yung ibang tao naman ang mauubusan, kaya sila, bibili ulit. gets? so parang, imbes na ikaw yung bumili, sila yung bumili. umikot parin yung pera, pero ‘di galing sayo.
cousin: huh?
me: kasi may mga role naman tayong pine-play sa buhay. meron mga nagbibigay, merong nanghihingi. pag nagbibigay ka, nakakatulong ka, pag humihingi ka naman, nabibigyan mo ng chance ang iba para tumulong. gets?
cousin: ah, ok.
me: sige, i-slash ko na sa list natin yan ha.
cousin: hindi, wag. may different roles naman tayo diba. mas gusto ko ata yung nagbibigay, yup, yun ata ako.
me: whow!!! (smiles in the inside) well, kung yan ang trip mo, di mabuti.
cousin: ok.

nakakatuwa yung pinsan ko! marunong na siya mag isip para sa sarili niya!!! hahaha!!! hindi na siya sunod-sunuran!!! hahaha!!! tuwang-tuwa ako!!! feeling ko natututo talaga siya kahit papano!!! :D

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night walk

May 17, 2008 · Filed under love

will the prick of day
ever find its way?
will it ever knock and say
“i’m here, wake up,
the world is for the taking,
a dream shall in time remain itself,
if you are down and sleeping.”

a-dream-is-a-dream i say,
an escape;
a wish in empty air;
a whisper; the wind’s promise of tomorrow.
a silent hum of yesterday’s sorrow.
yet after the gush and height
of the moments tease,
it fleets. yes, it goes away.
never does it stay. it will,
it shall indeed go away.

“then in your slumber,
your dream shall remain itself,
for fear cought the hold of tomorrow’s bright.
be forever in hope’s night.”

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genuine prayer; me and my cousin; sexuality

May 17, 2008 · Filed under buhay, pumiglas

how do you know if your prayer is genuine? how do you know if you really talked to god in your prayer rather than just muttering to yourself? that was a question posed by a priest in his opening homily. cool diba?

of course you could gauge it by your feelings. when you feel high, when you really feel the elating presence of god, you could possibly say that, indeed, your prayer was good. but feelings are fickle (just like women,hehehe), they always change. it is difficult to trust your feelings (is it also the case with women? i don’t know…hehehe, joke) because it is controlled by a lot of factors which then reduces prayer to a mere everyday experience rather than a way of life. is it in the intention of the prayer? i don’t think so. as they say, intentions are always not enough. then how? how?

how do you know if a movie is good? is it in the title? in the story line? in the actors? i don’t think so. there are a lot of movies with good story lines, cinematography or even great actors, but what makes a movie stand among the rest? i think it is how it moved its viewers. how it gave the viewer a new perspective in life. how it affected its viewer. i think that is also how prayer works. the gauge of a prayer goes beyond feelings and intentions, it probes further more to the fruits of it. if the prayer moved you to be a better person for the day; if the prayer broke you out from your shell to take risks and follow your heart then that is indeed genuine prayer. remember the sharped tounge james? what is faith if not accompanied by actions? cool right? but what kind of actions? if you ask me, the actions are not merely following written laws or walking thes straight path, but actions steered by the heart. actions that may seem unconventional, but still pushed through because it is done out of love.

—

i had bad feedbacks about my last post concerning me and my cousin shortpaying a taxi driver. they told me that what i did was bad. that i can’t fight fire with fire. well, they may be right, but fuck, the taxi driver crossed the line. he terrorized my cousin, the only person i really care about in this world (yes more than my mom). all i did was fight for her, of course knowing me, in a pretty fun/funny way. i think it doesn’t really matter how many people you bump in this world, what really counts is how you stand up for the people you love, and that is all that i did. adn to the people telling me i am a bad influence to my cousin, i really think you are wrong. i’m just giving her a chance to be a happy, a happiness we shared together. if i ask you now, when was the last time you did something happy with your brother or sister? did both of you genuinely enjoy it? well, not doing anything bad does not mean doing good.

—

i was inspired to write this post because i have this friend who hates talking about his crush or anything realted to women. he tells me it gets him thinking other stuff and he just wants to suppress it. close his mind from it. well, i think what he is doing is bad and not helping him. i think he is just turning himself into a ticking sexually repressed time bomb. jason on handling sexuality:

1. when sexual thoughts come to my head, i don’t kick it out, i just let it pass. trying to kick it out would just make things worse, it would just let my mind dwell more on it. i did not say entertain the thought, just let it pass.

2. i thank god for my sexuality.  i thank god because i’m attracted to a person of my opposite sex, not an animal or a man.

3. i try to appreciate rather than lust over. when i see an attractive person, i dwell on her strong points and try to appreciate it as a work of art, but not to the point of demeaning the person to a mere painting or object, yet god’s masterpiece. another of god’s tricks to continually astound me of his majesty.

4. this may sound really corny, but i kind of project a motherly figure on her, mary for example. it removes all the lust and fills me with admiration and awe.

5. if worse comes to worse, i just talk to her staight. joke! hehehe…

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i just finished watching The Hoax (2006), nakaka relate ako. feeling ko magiging katulad ako ni clifford irving, wag naman sana, pero feeling ko magagawa ko yung mga ginawa niya… tsktsk..

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transport strike adventures

May 12, 2008 · Filed under buhay, kasiyahan, pumiglas

fuck the transport strike. the traffic was sooo bad. cars were not moving. the buses and jeeps were all full. all the taxis were taken. it was raining damn hard. i didn’t knew then how to go home, and to complicate things more, i have my 10 year old cousin at my right arm. shit. i can’t rush into a bus or hitch a ride in a jeepney because i have her by my side. i just can’t leave her you know. so there we were, wetting our asses off in philcoa, praying an empty taxi might come by us, but of course nothing came but ruddy taxis ready to run on us. so there i was, screaming curses all around, banging cars, kicking doors, raising dirty fingers and of course, running when they came out. it was pretty fun though, it kinds of relax me and my cousin. the adrenaline rush of running is pretty cool in the veins. anyway, when it was getting pretty late, and my deliquent bahaviour became pretty tiring, me and my cousin thought of seriously finding a taxi to take us home. so we were there standing amidst the crowd, there was no chance in hell we could get a ride, then…DING! i was really suprised the other people didn’t think of it, we crossed the street to the opposite lane. it was virtually empty and taxis were rushing by. of course, in the heat of my delinquency, we jaywalked the very dangerous philcoa road. it was really exciting, the cars were speeding, they really didn’t care about us. but we didin’t care too. we were actually laughing.

then blam, we entered the first taxi that stopped for us which was just about like 5 seconds after we crossed the street. we were dripping wet, he was asking me where we are headed, i said commonwealth, his eyes bulged: traffic dun ha! i acted as if i didn’t notice his whinning. i winked at my cousin to follow my lead. ok ka lang? parang may sakit ka na ata ha… then of course, the driver having a heart of gold could not kick us out anymore. so there we were, in his comfy taxi braving the evil heavy traffic. when i say traffic, damn, i mean traffic. we almost spent half an hour just making a u-turn in philcoa. the commonwealth street was utterly still except for motor vibrations. the driver’s whining grew louder. putang ina! ubos ang gasolina ko nito! putang ina! i pretended not to notice him, while i tended my sick cousin. of course i intented to give him extra, duh, the traffic was really really bad.

then we reached the overpass after deacades of inching our way through the traffic. the driver muttered: hindi ko na kayo ipapasok, sobra na talaga ang traffic. i understood his sentiment, of course the traffic was really really bad, but i tried to push in the best tone possible: kuya, baka pwedeng kahit itawid mo nalang kami. then he exploded. putang ina kayo, hinatid ko na nga kay dito! ano ba kayo! tang ina naman, ubos na nga gasolina ko! puta! i was mad at him. he exploded in front of my cousin who was now really afraid on her seat. i could not give way to my ego you know, and pounce him right then, because i have justine to take care of, so i humbly opened the door and motioned justine to go out the taxi. then  after we went out, i gave the taxi driver our fare. thank you manong, i said. then we ran up the over pass as fast as we could. when we were a bit up, we peeked at the driver who is now outside of his taxi screaming: tangina kayong mga bata kayo! kulang ang bayad niyo! we laughed our hearts out at the sight of the fat balding middle aged driver screaming at us. we taunted for a while, then we ran as fast as we could.

then, when i felt we were safe enough, we bought a coke; savoring the moment, the rain, the coldness, the recent scenes of our lives; then i told my cousin, so ano?  you learned something today? she stared at me blankly. i really love times such as these, times when i could impart to her some of life’s lessons. Justine, never fuck with a fucker. naintindihan mo? she smiled. i think she got it. we finished our coke and took a trike straight home.  

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evening sky

May 11, 2008 · Filed under Uncategorized

they say if you stare long enough at the evening sky, it stares back at you. then in its stare you could see through its eyes. you would see its soul, the spirit of the universe, then you would suddenly understand. that is what they say. you would fully understand the things that bug your heart, that question your being.

recently that is what i have been doing. staring at the evening sky through my screen covered window. i have watched how the sun descended ready to scorch the land beneath. i saw how the moon terrified the ebony of doubt. i was a witness on how the stars dance in unison with the evening breeze. yes, i have seen it all, experienced it all, but in all those picturesque moments, never did the sky stare back at me. never was i able to see through the eyes of the sky, never did i see the soul of the universe. i was never given the chance to understand.

you see, all i want was an answer. an answer i thought i could get if i was patient enough. patient enough to balnkly stare at the night sky, waiting for it to stare back, or maybe a glance would do. but i failed. it kept sending unwarranted signals: shooting stars, midnight howls, cold prickling breezes, all which are good and appreciated, but not needed. not asked for. i don’t need any spectacle, or any artistic pallete, i just want to understand. not as if i was asking something difficult. i never asked if god exist, or why i am alive. my questions are simple.

i want to know why the sea inside me is in continous turbulence. i want to understand why my chest is always heavy and the lump in my throught never passes through. i want to know why my shoulders are always heavy. i want to know why my forehead is always converging in the middle. i want to know why i always think of something i could not get. maybe that is my nature, maybe its everyone’s nature, to yearn the impossible. that is why i patiently stare at the evening sky, i want to understand that nature of mine. why would i want the impossible? why would i want angels if i could settle with mascots, or lifeless figurines? why would i choose heart felt laughter when i could freely buy cheap smiles? why would i like.. never mind, the list of questions never end. yet all i want is an answer. an answer that could be a yes or a no. but being human as i am, i do not prefer a yes or a no, i rather go for the middle, the conditional, the negotiable path. straight absolute truth is terrifying most of the times.

again, i stare at the midnight sky, yet it never stared back. how long would i wait. how long should i hope for a single glance?

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In the world you will have trouble, but take courage, i have conquered the world.

May 5, 2008 · Filed under Uncategorized

in the world you will have trouble, but take courage, i have conquered the world.

i really like that parting sentence, it’s like a punk song ending or something. but it really hits, its a sentence you would like to have posted on your t-shirt. not so i’m-god-loving-and-all-to-good-so-i-grow-wings-at night, its more of like gandalf talking to frodo or dumbledor to harry, or better yet, ramones singing to millions of teens. i really like it. its the perfect farewell message you see. it is all too honest. it never promised rainbows and chocolate rivers, yet it plainy states that the world is indeed full of shit. its not some GP message for keeping the smiles of the children of the world, but a message to warn, maybe even instill fear, a message of sharp bitter truth. then after expicitly stating the world that they are to face, he says: take courage. you see, we are not treated like weaklings by god, he has total respect to our abilities. he believes that indeed we could be brave, if we choose to. not only ego inflating and testosterone pumping, but also so fatherly endearing. then the message ends with: i have conquered the world. the world may be full of shit, it may be scary as hell, but in all its might and monstrocity, it already lost, to him. i think his message could be prolonged with the addition of two words: i have conquered the world [for you]. so what is more to fear? the world’s monstrocity has lost to him already once, and it is not a problem for him beating it again for us.

*ang ganda ng lyrics ng brigther than sunshine ng aqualung.. search niyo! DL niyo!*

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piracy; invisible hand; redeeming my self

May 3, 2008 · Filed under Uncategorized

piracy is the invisible hand that balances the power of the abusive, corrupt, declining and lax entertainment sector, at least in our country. piracy is not legal, of course. it goes against the laws that govern our country, but i firmly believe that it is a force that is necessary to keep things well and good. imagine piracy as natural destructive forces to bringforth evolution, or at least purify the race of the entertainment sector. let’s face it, because of piracy, cd prices went low from towering high, dvd/vcd realeses of films were faster, the quality of local movies became better (or at least it tries to) and movie houses became much much better. piracy is like this wake up call for the slumbering entertainment sector, it is like his competitor in the food chain. of course piracy should not be let loose. of course it is needed to be controlled, but we know how efficient our law enforcers our right? but i think everything just goes well with the right mix of greedy movie makers, influx of pirated dvds and sloppy police men. as long as the balance is kept, i really think our entertainment sector is bound to grow. fuck those messages saying it kills the industry, of course it hugs a lot of money away from them, but damn, everything is a rat race, and in times like this, great ideas springforth, so see, piracy can also be a nest for next generation’s greatest ideas. i-max is really hitting through. maybe piracy is just another key unlocking a new wave of entertainment yet to be tapped. we can’t be stuck with idiot boxes forever. who knows what’s next? thanks to piracy, there is indeed evolution.

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I DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG

next, i bought this pirated dvd. it had really good movies in it, but after watching it all, i had this idea of giving it back to the vendor, saying the dvd is defective, so that i could get a new one utterly for free. my friends heard my idea, and being good friends (yet unenlightened) as they were, they stopped me. they told me what i was about to do is bad, immoral and selfish. i don’t blame them, it may really look like that in a certain perspective, but in another, wider, patriotic view its all a different story. what i did was not selfish, i only did my role in the balance of things. as i stated above, piracy is part of a system of evolution for our entertainment sector. i actually called piracy as the much needed environmental distress to push the crippled industry to evolve, but of course, environmental distresses could not be left rampant, it should be controlled in such ways. what do i mean? piracy should be dealt in the view of the market, only in such perspective that it could be dealt with the moral factor. first, what is the difference between pirated and original dvds? original dvds pay taxes and proper dues, while pirated dvds don’t. what does that mean? original dvds pay for security provided by the law, meaning, they also pay for quality and assurance for safe profit, while in the world of pirated dvds, all is a fast gamble. pirated dvds are cheap, why? because they don’t pay the dues, dues which include security. their goods are contraband, this means, anything they sell is technically bad, or could be assumed to be in bad shape. so giving back a working dvd to get a new one for free is not lying to the vendor, but only exploiting the fact that the vendor did not buy security. he did not buy security for his goods in times such as this. i am only using my right, i am not stealing anything. it is like paying the student fare in a jeepney even though you could afford giving the poor driver the extra peso. and the vendor is gonna sell it anyway to the next buyer, i just gave it back to the vendor and the cycle just goes on. the vendor has no right to question me becaue he didn’t buy that right. get it? treating pirated dvds like original ones, or let’s put it this way, treating pirated dvd vendors or stores the same as how you treat original dvd retailers is were injustice comes in. that is because the original retailers bought that right for security in their products, while pirated retailers didn’t. that means, pirated dvd stores deserve it such treatment. why? because that is just how things work, it is how to balance things. because treating the two retailing sectors the same is were the true downfall of the industry shall start. you see, if everyone treats pirated dvds as original ones, there is no question the industry shall fall. so what i did is just doing my part in saving the crumbling industry of entertainment, i’m just doing my share in keeping it alive. then i remembered my friend saying: ok jason, whatever let’s you sleep at night. of course keeping the industry alive and keeping its flora and fauna in harmony makes me sleep really good at night.

//this could be a comic satire or an eyeopener, whatever suits you :p

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